Chapter 27 Harold Brown Memoir – Cancer

January 19, 2019

I spent over two weeks in the hospital during last Thanksgiving 2012 with what I rated as 9 on a scale of 0-10 back pain. My blood disease was confirmed during that time.

My body was shot from what I supposed was the results of so many drugs and limited use of my body. I did not understand why I would become emotional at the drop of a hat. I thought my life was over and every visitor that came to see me only stood to confirm that thought.

I was being controlled by a depression that I had never experience and thought that only a weak person was susceptible. I know what it was now, but that doesn’t mean that it will not happen again. I will be more prepared to deal with that depression if it should give this person another visit. It has proven to make me stronger.

God is good. He is the giver of only good and perfect gifts. In all thing give thanks. I try. My two children spent a lot of time with me when I was released from the hospital. We spent time talking. Mostly I talked and they listened. I told them stories and they stroked my back and fixed me food. I believe they have a better understanding of who and what their father is about and I have a new appreciation for the adults that my children have become.

Love without questioning. Need without demanding. Want without restrictions. Accept without change. Desire without inhibitions. Love not given is a life wasted.

Some of you make me laugh and others cause my eyes to water. Both emotions inspire me. Keep talking.

I visited my regular oncologist today, Dr. Willis, and I had several questions ready for him. Before that my first nurse looked at my results and asked me, “Do you work out?” Do you know what that does to a male’s ego? I know what it did for me. We spent several minute talking about what I did and what she did. That started my day off with a bang because I really like telling people what I do when they really want to know.

Dr. Willis finished my visit with him by telling me that he had never had a patient with my disease that exercised the way I do. His closing remark was to say, “Listen to your body.” I alway have.

Some of the things my body has told me has been good news and on occasion it has been negative. My last nurse wanted to talk about Ole Miss and how well they are going to do this season in football and basketball. I didn’t have the heart to spoil her day.

My daughter called before I left the doctor’s office. I went to visit her and my grandson. I had some of the best tomato and extras soup that i have ever had. I ate four bowls and would have had more if she had used a bigger pot to fix it. The three of us walked around the golf course and I finished my visit with some vegan ice cream that she made. I was a real pig.

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